Zac’s Crazy Mind


New Beginnings
November 11, 2008, 10:52 am
Filed under: Casino, Love, Poker, Work | Tags: , ,

So the new job hasn’t gotten off to the great start hoped for by all. It was pretty much a disaster the first weekend. I fear my ability to survive if i cannot make enough money. Change a comin’ next week so hopefully that’ll do it.

Love seems to be going much better. I have it. I feel just like a kid again. Yesterday she said it’s like puppy love again, and it really is. I am so excited for the future…..

time to wash my ass, so gotta run.

Z



On the move again…..
October 22, 2008, 2:01 am
Filed under: Casino, Friends, Life, Love, Thoughts, Work | Tags:

Tomorrow marks part two of the change/change back process. I am getting fitted for my uniform at my new job. Then I am leaving to help the love of my life move back home to also work at the same place. I am slightly concerned at returning to the scene of the crime, where my drinking took off again, and being in the same environment where I know my friends will be drinking. Gonna be tough….Good luck me!



You ever look in the mirror and think, man I am a loser?
October 18, 2008, 12:06 am
Filed under: Casino, Life, Love, Poker, Thoughts | Tags:

So here I am, 31 years old. Likely a functional alcoholic. Just moved back home to the Seattle area from Las Vegas. No college degree. No money. No friends in the area, until next week. Things are looking good.

Well it could be worse, and the tide is a changin’.

Somehow, as usually happens, I have lucked out again. I got a sweet new job in a brand new casino dealing poker. I have been a poker dealer for just over 3 years now. This is going to be my first full time job not in a shit hole little casino with no profit potential past paying small bills, in a small town with nothing to do. I have dealt poker at a few tournaments in Oregon and the big one, the World Series of Poker in Las Vegas, I was even on television a few times, kinda weird to see yourself on tv. I even dealt it on a cruise ship this last summer in Alaska, didn’t see Sarah Palin though, nor Russia.

Things like this happen to me a lot. I get lucky in life, then mess it up. I stumbled into the Oregon tournaments, which led me to the World Series, without a reference somehow and now can’t even get my friends in there with my good word. Lucky me.

I believe life is somewhat about luck, and chances. I run good sometimes as we say. And I refuse to F this one up. I have a decent house to live in, my grandma’s old place. I have a job that should pay me more than my mother makes after 36 years. Full benefits, 401k, plenty of vacation, and tuition reimbursement to let me finish my 1 freakin class i need for my degree. What an idiot, I know. When life hands you these chances, you have to make the best of them, and I have been missing the boat on that for a while now.

But it is time to make a good opportunity stick, make it work. Grow up, be a man, do work son!

I am very glad to be home. This will give me the opportunity to save some money as my bills will be pretty cheap. I can get a few things I want, like saving some $ for a gigantic 73″ Television I saw at best buy the other day. I don’t need it, but i sure as hell want it. It is also going to allow me another chance at love with the girl i had been dating for 5 years prior to moving to Vegas. Things hadn’t been smooth between us in a long time. I believe we were victims. Victims of circumstance, victims of a small town, victims of me, victims of alcohol and its abuse. I am very happy at the opportunity to spend time with her again, to love her again, and to have more to do besides drink and go bowling. I missed civilization in that small town. I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in somewhere around a month now, I didn’t write down the day, just decided to stop drinking, again.

I also have the chance to be near my family again for the first time in 4+ years. I missed them. Recently my grandmother moved from her house, which I am now renting from her, to a retirement community. She just turned 85 last week, and has some pretty bad memory problems that are getting worse, and a pretty nasty attitude sometimes, but she loves me! I am grandma’s favorite, the oldest, the one who she was there for, and the one who will be there for her until her time with us is done. (hopefully a long time from now) My mom has been taking all the slack up for her with minimal help from her two brothers, and jack shit from my cousins, some of which have good excuses like living thousand(s) of miles away, and others that don’t. But I am here now, and I love her, so whatever she needs, I will do for her. Basically the rest of my family sucks. When grandma goes, so does our family. So I am currently taking applications for a new family, preferably one I like, unlike mine. Independently wealthy a plus!

So I not only deal poker, but play it. I am decent, not the best in the world, but better than some, and that is all you need. Sadly I have wasted so much money that I have made playing. It becomes unreal to you. Like money doesn’t matter. You always have it, until you don’t. Spending it is so easy, wasting it is easier. I won’t buy a nice monitor for my computer, but I will blow $400 on blackjack. That would sure buy me a nice 22″ wide screen Samsung i want. WTF?

Money needs to be reality to me again. Every time I think I have learned that lesson, I am wrong. Hopefully this time……

Well I am just rambling on, so I guess I will end this, my first post. This is the inside of me, how I am, who I am, and a little of who I want to be…..a better person. An adult for the first time in my life. Sober, working, and loving. Hopefully more to come with a more positive note………

Z